Monday ramblings

"When we're dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief. We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can’t imagine it’s true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain. We beg. We plead. We offer everything we have, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we’ve done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance.

Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. It isn’t just death we have to grieve. It’s life. It’s loss. It’s change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime. That’s how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can’t breathe, that’s how you survive. By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won’t feel this way. It won’t hurt this much. Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can’t control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes. And let it go when we can. The very worst part is that the minute you think you’re past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away. There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five.


Denial.
Anger.
Bargaining.
Depression.
Acceptance."

-Grey's Anatomy

I got this from another blogger and couldn't believe how true it is. In the past week, I've felt so many emotions. I can be happy and then for the next few minutes I could be utterly, heartbreakingly sad. Then I'm back to being happy. Certain things can trigger it, but sometimes it's just out of the blue. So I soak up the times I am happy, because I know that can turn on a whim. "...It isn’t just death we have to grieve. It’s life. It’s loss. It’s change..." I think this is what I'm grieving the most right now. But I am also starting to appreciate the fact that I am changed. Every experience in life changes us, whether we like it or not. So I am going with the flow, and hope that I will turn out okay and in one peace at the end. That's all we can hope for some days.

Speaking of change, my laptop has a new home! (I know, this post is going to do a complete 180, just like my moods ; ) )

I got my trusty laptop a while back and set up shop at the kitchen bar. I don't know why I decided to make that my laptop's home, but I did. We have an office and Justin made that his own. Since I had my own laptop now, I had no need to use the office anymore. Well lately, I've been tired of sitting at the bar. I don't like people reading over my shoulder, and I felt every time Justin walked by, that's what he was doing! Even though he promised he wasn't. So this past weekend, on one of my good days, we made a little corner in the office my own. And i love it.

Happy Monday my friends,