Sunday, September 5, 2010

Yet another one *sigh*

Sorry I have been M.I.A from my blog for a while. I just really dreaded writing this post, so I procrastinated as long as I could. I believe I am going to go through my third miscarriage. It's very exhausting to be writing this yet again!
I found out at the beginning of last week (almost two weeks ago I believe) that I was pregnant. Had my betas done last week. My first one was 421 and then my second one (four days later) was 4,006. Definitely a good rise. So I decided to do no more blood draws since they are so freaking stressful to me! The nurse agreed that was fine and we made an appointment for my first ultrasound. Everything was going great, was actually "feeling" pregnant. Well than lo and behold at work early Thursday morning I had spotting. Then the cramps came. Then the backache came. All in a few hours of each other. I was only like 5w3d I think. I can't even describe what it felt like. But it was all too familiar. I went home and went to bed, wanting to just sleep as long as I could. I knew what was happening. Unfortunately, my body is predictable in that way. Oddly enough, the actual Dr. called me later that day to check up. Before I talked to him, I decided I wasn't even going to call the Dr.'s office until the following week, since they could do nothing for me anyway. When I told him what happened earlier that day, he offered for me to come in that day for an ultrasound. I didn't want to do that since I know what they would find. So he suggested I get my labs drawn again. I agreed to that. They came back at only 7,000, which is so way below what it should be. It confirmed my suspicions. My progesterone was fine, actually it had gone up. Well when the nurse called later she said the Dr. said my labs look reassuring and that he thinks I should come in a for an ultrasound and meet with his next week. I said "really? He thinks my labs are fine?" I was confused, and thinking maybe he had me mixed up with someone else. So I agreed to the ultrasound and meeting with him next week. And so far, nothing has happened. No more cramps even. The past few days they have been on and off. Now the next few sentences I am going to say may sound selfish. I am supposed to be going to Vegas this Wednesday for a bachelorette party. I have been looking forward to this all year. Well when I found out I was pregnant, I decided I wasn't going to go since I didn't want to risk anything, and I was content with my decision because I was so happy to be pregnant. Well now since I know my body is going to fail me, I just want it to hurry up and get it over with. I hate this waiting and see. I also think Vegas would be a nice escape. Don't get me wrong, I would much rather be pregnant than go to Vegas, but since I can't be pregnant, can't I at least have Vegas?!
So for now, I am just in the wait and see mode. Apparently my body is going to drag this out for as long as possible. Just when I couldn't get any lower, my body is going to give me one last kick to remind me who is in charge. Great.

Happy Sunday my friends,
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5 comments:

Mrs. G said...

I'm so sorry.

Mauri said...

I would give all the trips to Vegas in a lifetime to change this turn of events :-( Love you girlie!

Lindsey said...

I am so very sorry for what you are going through. Let us know how the ultrasound turns out, and although it seems impossible now, I'll pray maybe your doctors are right, and everything will be okay??

Rebecca said...

I just saw your post on TTCYFC and I'm so sorry to see this.

Lara + Chris said...

I'm so very sorry. Huge hugs. :(