Friday, May 7, 2010


I'm not sad every minute of every day, I hope my blog doesn't come across as that. Blogging helps me feel better when I am having that downer day, or hour, and want to put what I'm feeling on paper. And honestly this has been one of the most trying experiences I've been through, so it may take me awhile to get back to 100%. But when I'm feeling good, everything's great. But when I'm feeling down and I'm around others, I try to put on my happy face. I really do try. No one likes a debbie downer all the time =) And I really don't mind if people ask me about how I'm doing or what I've been through. Honestly I'd rather talk about it then have people ignore what I've been through as if it didn't happen. Because it did.
Talking and writing about it has helped me tremendously. If people ask, I will tell. But I usually don't offer my heart up willingly. If I want to talk about how I'm feeling, I can't just strike up a conversation about it. But then again, I know people aren't mind readers.
The mind is a powerful thing. So powerful, that sometimes we think others should be able to read ours. And when they can’t, we are disappointed. Because actually talking about what we are feeling sometimes is too hard. Because saying the words may make it real. So we hope that our body language, our tone of voice, and our facial expressions, can express what we are thinking, so we don’t actually have to say the words out loud. The words that we keep going over and over in our heads. The words that will trigger crying, and emotions. So we plead to others with our eyes to please don’t make us say the words aloud. Please know what I am thinking. Please make things right. Please take the pain away.
Wouldn't it be so much easier sometimes if people could read our minds?! Only when we wanted them too though, as long as there is an on/off switch ; ) I think one of my friends read my mind the other day. I have a really good friend who lives on the east coast and whom I love dearly. We email time to time but haven't talked in a while since day to day living gets in our way. Last weekend, I wanted to tell her what happened, tell her the whole story, from beginning to end. I sat down at my computer to write her an email, got one line written , then sat and stared at the computer for about 5 minutes. At that moment I was just too exhausted to tell the story again. So I promised myself I would write it the next day. Well the next day after church I check my mail and what do I see? A letter. From this same friend I so dearly wanted to tell. I knew exactly what it was before I opened it and got a knot in my throat. She had read my blog and my story and she knew. So Alicia if you are reading this, thank you =) You have no idea how much you made my day!

Happy Friday my friends,


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