Tuesday, December 27, 2011

This is why I blog

So today I had all these great plans to get stuff done around the house. I had dishes to do, things to put away, fun things to sew...well Landon had different plans. Well it's not his fault I should start off by saying. He's perfectly content in his swing, he loves it actually. But when I put him in there he was so happy and I felt bad just sticking him in there. And plus maybe I just felt like snuggling all day : ) But if he wasn't in his swing, he didn't want to be anywhere else except in my arms. So we lounged around the afternoon and when daddy came home after work, he snuggled with him and then I got some stuff done.
Anyway, while we were lounging around, I had nothing to do but browse the internet and after I blogged I randomly started reading my old blog posts. And after about ten minutes or so I had tears in my eyes. Sure it was fun to read about all the fun stuff I posted about, but those soul baring posts? Well I wasn't prepared to read those again.
Posts like this one, where I have a love/hate relationship with my body. Or this one, where I write yet another miscarriage post. Re-reading these posts takes me back to that exact day I wrote them. I can remember that emptiness I felt in those darkest hours and I remember how therapeutic it was writing all my feelings down. And how re-living those posts doesn't seem like the funnest thing to do, it is humbling. Posts like those are the reason I thank God for what I have, and the reason I'm not taking all this for granted.
And then I stumbled upon the quotes I posted. Quotes I repeated time and time over last year to help get me through. Quotes speak to me in a way at times, nothing else can. I love how a person's emotions can be summed up in a few short sentences.
Quotes like these:

"You see, when the almighty Father writes a story-it truly is a masterpiece. One that only he can put together. Though the road to get to the end of the story may be filled with pain, heartache, and sorry-the end is simply glorious. One we sometimes never see coming." Adeye

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." 
-Marilyn Monroe

I remember I loved these quotes so much because they gave me hope, and if you followed my blog at all last year you'll know that hope was at times the ONE thing getting me through. After each heartache of yet another miscarriage, and the times when I questioned God, I clung onto whatever little hope I had left. And while sitting on the couch holding my 2 month old while he snoozed away, I read these quotes and thought "this is the moment I was writing for." I loved all those quotes and kept on hoping, knowing that one day it would get me to this point. Knowing that it would get me to Landon.

And then I thought, this is why I blog. To look back at different times in my life and either remember the little things that made me so happy, or to stop what I'm doing and remember to appreciate what I have.
I started this blog as a hobby in hopes to document our life. Never did I imagine I would pour my soul into it and let others read my most private thoughts. But I'm glad I did. Now it's kind of evolved into a beautiful mix of the two. If you're following me, thanks for being on this journey with me!

1 comment:

Mimi said...

What a beautiful post and a reminder of just how blessed we are to be mothers to such a beautiful gift from God. Merry Christmas!